


lack of touch

by FredericaAih



Category: League of Legends
Genre: M/M, Stupid and awkward, haven't slept in two days let them sleep, i love them, they didn't have a relationship, they're cute and dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:54:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28580835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FredericaAih/pseuds/FredericaAih
Summary: Ezreal suffers from sensory (tactile) starvation and needs help.
Relationships: Ezreal/Jayce (League of Legends)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 22





	1. Ezreal

It's been more than two days without sleep. Fifty-two hours and thirty-eight, to be exact.. it's thirty-nine minutes now. The monotonous ticking replaced any other thoughts, leaving only slight nausea. Wanted to smash the clock and throw it out the window. Dozens of drawings and entries in the travel log turned into scribbles. He couldn't remember or draw anything worthwhile from the last expedition.

_And Ezreal couldn't sleep at all._

And the worst part was that he had no idea how to help himself! How can you help yourself when you don't know the cause of your condition? It is obvious that when you are wounded, you treat and bandage, and when you are poisoned, you drink the antidote, but when the constant, gratuitous anxiety is endlessly itching under the skin when you stop understanding your own emotions when you can not normally be sad or happy.. there are no ideas. Not one. Ezreal grits his teeth and looks away from the clock. The ticking continued to hit my brain.

_Wanted to disassemble the clockwork._

Two things stopped him: he was unlikely to put it back together once it was disassembled, and his uncle probably wouldn't approve of the clock any longer working. Of course, they can be attributed to some mechanic or inventor.. Well, or you can exclude hours from this plan and just pay a visit. Jayce works at night, right?

A walk through the nighttime Piltover had neither calmed him nor made him feel less sleepy. Only to freeze (why did he forget to take his jacket just now?) and want to be warm. The researcher shrugs shiveringly, ignoring the front door and looking for a passage to the windows. Swears, slipping, trying to climb on the roof. His feet slid on the glass, but something glowed inside, so Jayce wasn't asleep.

Something else flared up and grew brighter by the second.

It takes Ezreal another couple of seconds to realize that they want to shoot him and have time to teleport inside. Jayce, clearly seeing the flash of the teleport, turns in place, trying to figure out where the man disappeared from the roof. When he sees Ezreal, he jerks to point the gun at him, clearly not recognizing him instantly. Ezreal jerks back a little, stunned.

– What the hell are you doing? What do you want here... at four in the morning? - Jayce lowers the gun slowly, his face a mixture of indignation and confusion.

\- I can't sleep, - Ezreal shrugs, as casually as possible. He's surprised to see that Jace doesn't look much better than he does.  
What an irony.

They take care of themselves the most, and they look like they just got out of the dump.

\- That's it? - Jayce raises an eyebrow. He's definitely not happy that Ezreal came to him for this.

\- Yes, that's all, - but Ez has no one else to go to. He wasn't going to see Caitlin, was he? If he went to Zaun in this state, he probably wouldn't come back from it. It was a lesson he'd learned well, along with a couple of claw scars on his ass.

Jayce sighs, scratching his chin, clearly wondering what to do. Kick out and continue working? It was a good option, but how much would Ezreal agree with it? Just going to get back, God damn it, this teleportation. Just ignore it? It won't work. The silence lengthened, grew uncomfortable.

\- And I can see you're having trouble sleeping, too, - Ezreal says before Jayce can say anything. And there is no point in denying it for the inventor, who only nods. And again there is silence.

_Again the hideous ticking of the clock._

Jace puts the hammer away against the wall, walks over to his desk, sits down to do something again, disheveled and tired, he looked unusual. Ezreal is almost immediately there to watch, and he has also brought a chair from another part of the room. Jace turns the parts over in his hands.. just looks at the half-assembled thing.. whatever it is.

– What are you doing? - Ezreal asks, resting his cheek on the table to break the silence. Jayce doesn't even look at him.

Jayce screws something up. Ezreal, closing his eyes, can no longer see. He hopes to fall asleep. Predictably, it doesn't work, but the researcher is stubborn enough not to open his eyes even when Jace drops something and swears. It didn't seem to work out for him either. Time passed slowly. At least the ticking of the clock was interrupted by the noise of someone else's work. Ezreal is lost in thought. Unsuccessful attempts to find the cause of his anxiety, lazy memories.. a hand came down on his hair.  
The archaeologist opens his eyes a crack to see Jace, looking thoughtfully at the invention, reach for his hair.

– What are you doing? - However, Ezreal doesn't even think about removing someone else's hand, citing his lack of strength. Jayce doesn't turn around and instead buries his fingers in his soft hair. Of course, Ezreal was always terribly opposed to this, and he is still against it! It gets his hair dirty and generally, it's his personal space!

But creaking closer, the researcher loses his personal struggle with a crash.

Jayce seems to look at him in surprise, but (thank all the gods!) silent and (twice praise!) he doesn't take his hand away. He looks at the detail again, gently ruffles his hair, passes the strands through his fingers, and scratches the back of his head.

_The ticking of the clock sounds less nauseating._

Ezreal had never thought that it could be relaxing, that he could actually enjoy touching his hair so much that if he could purr, he would purr like a cat. And that he might not even care that it looks weird. If someone came in now, they would definitely both burn with shame.

But no one will come in, because it's four o'clock in the morning.

Maybe that's what he was missing? Touch? Trying to calculate in my head how long it had been since someone had touched Ezreal with no intent to kill, only led to the fact that it was a very, very long time ago. And he needs more than just a pat on the head.

\- Jayce? - Ezreal opens his eyes. Jayce suddenly looks relaxed, leaning back in his chair and just reaching out to him, he lifts his head at the call. The researcher tries in vain to find words for the question, but everything sounds incredibly stupid - Do you want to hug? - Straight ahead, right in the forehead, as easy as you can get. And don't look me in the eye. Jayce doesn't answer, but after a few seconds, he pulls him toward him. Consent.

It's awkward at first. Especially the part where Ezreal had to sit on someone else's lap because it was uncomfortable to stand, and Jayce had no intention of getting up. He fumbles for a moment, trying to get comfortable, and finally buries his cheek in his chest and closes his eyes, feeling Jayce's hands gently close together. Someone else's chin fits on top of his head.

Ezreal no longer notices the clock, slowly falling asleep. Jayce's breathing is also getting deeper and quieter. Worry no longer nibbles under the skin of any of them. They would never talk about it, and in the morning Ezreal would simply leave before Jayce woke up, leaving no thanks on the note.

But then it will come again.

And again.

_And more._

And these visits will become a habit, their small nece.


	2. Jayce

The second meeting takes place in a month. Ezreal comes again at night. Jayce grabs the gun again. But this time they don't even talk, Ez reaches out to him right away.  
And Jayce doesn't mind.

They spend another night like this. And then another, and another. Ezreal comes right after expeditions and much more often in between. It becomes so familiar that when he hears light footsteps on the roof or the sound of a teleport, Jayce doesn't even strain.

— And then I… — Ezreal speaks softly, from somewhere on Jayce’s chest, where he has laid his head, sitting on someone else's legs. Ez hates silence tells something new every time, surprisingly, but he's not a bad storyteller. It is interesting to listen to him. Jayce hollers at the story, closing his eyes, and today he won't interfere with his story as he did, trying to challenge certain things. Of course, they argued, sometimes, under the thin clothes you can feel fresh bandages, so Ezreal is not telling the whole truth about how his expedition went. But she didn't have the strength to catch him in a lie today, and when she looked at his face, she lost all desire. Ezreal literally glows during the story, genuinely thinking that he is believed. Does anyone even have the decency to upset a child? Jayce could, but not now.

_They always fall asleep together._

This is a constant from the very first meeting, as is the fact that Ezreal always disappears by morning without leaving a note. It was as if he was afraid to face what had happened at night, in the open, in the morning. As if it could lead to something else, like awkward conversations or goodbyes. Ezreal hated saying goodbye, too. Although, in the last meeting, he left something-a stupid smiling face on the corner of the drawing. Jayce has already raised the eraser over it, but then he puts it down.

Who knew that this would be the last thing that would remind you of Ezreal for half a year?

Jayce gets bored after two months. Usually, at least letters came, sometimes small unsubscriptions, sometimes whole poems with illustrations. It clearly depended on Ezreal's free time and condition. But now there was… nothing. Unease crept in. It was easy to drive him away, Ezreal is not small and, in general, a damn lucky asshole, will not be lost.

It was the fourth month of Ezreal's absence, and there was no news to confirm that he was alive. Damn. Jayce doesn't understand why he's worried, why he can't sleep, why the work is falling out of his hands? He couldn't really get attached to Ezreal, just because of their nightly hugs and sleep and conversations, could he? Jayce is definitely not going to find out what happened, he has a lot of work to do and Ezreal is definitely fine!  
Toward evening, Jayce asks Caitlyn if she's seen Ezreal in town. Unfortunately, she can only shake her head, making Jayce even more anxious. Yes, there were times when Ezreal was gone for a long time. But he was never that lost. Different thoughts appeared, from traps to mage hunters, from imprisonment to death, and everywhere the imagination pictured the worst outcome, it looked different, but one thing never changed.

_He always died alone._

One day, they actually had a conversation about death. About fear. Jayce didn't even remember where it started, I think… Ezreal jumped from the nightmare? Or was it him? That was more than five months ago, and Jayce couldn't remember the details at all. However, one thing is firmly imprinted in his head — Ezreal is afraid of death and is more than sure that he will die alone. Like, feels. I think Jayce calmed him down then and laughed. You can't just «anticipate» how and when you're going to die, can you? But what if?.. Nonsense. Complete nonsense. You can't give in to anxiety. Most likely, Ezreal simply forgot or was carried away by the journey. Jayce once again bends the barely living corner of the drawing, the sheet is already bent in both directions, and the drawing itself is smeared and rubbed.

_If only Ezreal would come back alive._

There's no way Jayce will admit he's still waiting. What is there to hope for? He confuses extraneous noises at night with a teleport. Until now, it looked as if he was about to turn around and Ezreal was standing there, smiling as always. Battered and tired, but terribly happy and ready to fill up with true and not very stories. But when Jayce turned around, he found nothing but an empty room. It was exhausting. Eventually, he stops turning around.

**The sixth month.** Jayce even feels like he's fine. Exactly until the eye again falls on the corner of the sheet of the same drawing. The drawing is barely discernible and recognizable only intuitively, only if you have seen it infinitely many times before. Jayce stares at the face for a long moment, gritting his teeth. Why is he so bored? Why the hell was he worried?  
If you think about it, sort out the reasons on the shelves, it turns out that he likes to spend time with Ezreal, that he is cute and. that he missed their embrace. What's missing is Ez's stories, those ridiculous arguments where the researcher tries hard to prove that YES, he defeated those ten Noxians with one right and NO, he doesn't invent! Maybe even now, it would have been warmer in winter if Ez had been here.

Jayce couldn't keep trying to think that everything was okay and stay in the dark. But where the hell was he supposed to get information about Ezreal's whereabouts? Even though according to his own words (Ezreal unexpectedly talked a lot about himself), his relationship with his uncle was not very good, they still lived together. This means Lymere Senior might know where his nephew is. But. There was one problem. It was wildly cold outside, with a blizzard and huge snowdrifts. Going out in such weather was torture, I just wanted to wrap myself up in something and go to sleep, preferably until spring. But thinking of Ezreal, Jayce sighs and goes to the coat rack. The desire to know what had happened and the anxiety would eat him up before spring came.

It takes a good twenty minutes to get home. Twenty minutes, during which Jayce struggles through a blizzard and snowdrifts, trying his best to hide his freezing nose in a scarf. And then, for a long time, he hesitates around the bell, trying to find words so as not to look strange. What reason could he have for coming so late and in such a blizzard? Did Ezreal tell you that they communicate?  
Jayce doesn't even have time to form a thought when the door swings open. Professor Limer looks rather surprised when he sees Jayce there. He's dressed, obviously going out right now. Where does he want to go in a blizzard like this?..  
— Hello, Jayce, — the older Limer says in a slow voice — What brings you here in this weather? — He asks, recovering from his first surprise, and Jayce doesn't have an answer. He didn't have time to prepare it and is now hurriedly trying to find the words to answer.  
— I'm going to see Ezreal. He's here? — Jayce smiles, trying to hide the awkwardness of his own words, but he can't suppress the hope in his voice. The professor looks at him and the teacher's piercing gaze makes Jayce feel, for the first time in his life, like the one in the back who is about to be expelled.  
— Yes, he's here. Did he do something? — After the first sentence, Jayce barely holds back a sigh of relief. Here. Alive. Anxiety squeezing the heart, starting from the second month disappears… but immediately reappears. If Ezreal was already here, why didn't he tell him?

Before Jayce can think about it, Lymere calls out to him. The inventor blinks several times, trying to restore the thread of the dialogue.  
— Huh?.. Yes, yes, or rather no, nothing, everything is fine. Just need to clarify... a couple of questions. About the expeditions — An attempt to get out of it is frankly weak, judging by the look of the professor. But he accepts this answer with a weak nod.  
— He's upstairs, — he says, nodding toward the stairs, moving slightly away from the door to let Jayce in, then leaving with a polite nod of farewell. Apparently, he is in too much of a hurry to develop this dialogue further.

Jayce is left alone.

He looks toward the stairs, pulling off his outer clothing with an eerily slow motion, wanting to delay the moment of conversation. Jayce, not knowing the reasons, is genuinely sure that it will be unpleasant. Overall, nothing unexpected. At some point, something always happened that made people uncomfortable to be around him. Only this time, Jayce had no idea what had happened. As he goes upstairs, he goes over in his head all the cases that could have led to such an outcome, but everything rested on the fact that there was no such case. Their arguments were too frivolous (despite all the desire of both sides to gain the upper hand), and the topics for conversation were too different and superficial. Could it just be that Ezreal was bored? Could he just have found a better candidate than Jayce? It is with these questions that Jayce stops at the door of Ezreal's room, and then firmly grabs the handle without knocking, wanting to get this over with faster.

Ezreal doesn't turn around at the slight noise, scribbling intently. He mutters something under his breath, swears under his breath, and scribbles. Jayce watches the stranger's back for a long time, leaning against the door frame and looking around the room. It's a terrible mess. The clothes are crumpled, lying on the floor. Cards are hung on the walls, and several rolls are lying on the floor. A sword leaned carelessly against the table, too large for Ezreal to actually use as a weapon. But for all the carelessness, along with Ezreal, it looked organic. In Ezreal. As the wait drags on, Jayce frowns and coughs to get attention. Ezreal almost jumps in surprise and whirls around with an indignant expression on his face:  
— How many times have I asked… Jayce? — Indignation instantly turns into surprise. Ezreal stares at him, turning all the way around — What are you doing here? — He tilts his head to the side. Jayce stares at him intently, scanning him closely for any sign that Ezreal has been missing because of some problem. He ignores the question, engrossed in his gaze.  
— Where have you been? — The question sounds unintentionally rude, almost resentful. Jayce is finally convinced of his second guess, and Ezreal looks at him in confusion — Where have you been for six fucking months? — Jayce almost says, "… I was worried," but he shuts up just in time, crossing his arms over his chest. He should be angry now.  
— I was in Demacia, — Ezreal says, sounding confused. He expected Jayce to be happy, but the reality was worse, as always.  
— What were you doing there?

Ezreal frowns, too. The first confusion recedes, giving way to resentment. He went through hell during those six months, to get the damn petricite, and Jayce meets him there! Not fair! He stands up heavily, leaning on the table. To reach Jayce, he only needs to walk a few steps, but even that is difficult to do now. He grabs his bag from the table and his cane, which had been out of Jayce’s line of sight, and limps heavily toward him. Ezreal hits Jayce, who is staring at him in amazement, with his bag in a huff.  
— What… — He mumbles, clutching the bag to his chest, and looking at Ezreal leaning on his cane, — What's wrong with you?..  
— What happened to me? Does that bother you? — Ezreal interrupts the question, sniping resentfully, standing stubbornly in front of Jayce. It is hard for him to maintain such a position, but he is proud and stubborn enough to endure.  
— I… Ez… — Jayce says, even more confused, and takes half a step back. For the first time, he seems to have nothing to say. He rummages through his bag, trying to find any words he can put in right now.  
Ezreal turns away, limping to the bed and sitting down heavily on it. He scowls at the howling snowstorm outside the window and curses softly through his teeth. Jayce takes small steps, carefully moving deeper into the room, closing the door. He continues to be silent. The silence drags on.  
— There was a war in Demacia, — Ezreal puts down his cane and looks at Jayce, — A madman raised a rebellion to finally free the mages… a good goal, of course, but it made the trip much more difficult. I couldn't move through towns and villages, and that made the search very difficult because, in their panic, the Demacians are ready to turn over anyone who reminds them of a mage, hunters or guards, or even kill them themselves. — Such a trip was not the adventure he had hoped for. Jayce listens carefully, sitting down on a chair, moving it closer to the bed — Of course I was disguised and could walk anywhere! But caution is never superfluous… in other respects, this did not prevent me from stepping into a bear trap in the forest, when I had to escape from a whole squad of mage hunters… — It is justified, obviously, most likely there was no squad, and Ezreal simply did not notice this trap. As usual.  
— You're an idiot, — Jayce says. Ezreal raises his head and opens his mouth again to say something, but they don't let him get a word in, — You should have gone straight back to Piltover, not kept looking for… whatever it is you're looking for!  
— Open the bag, — Ezreal crosses his arms over his chest again. Jayce looks at him blankly, — Open up, open up, — Ez nods and the inventor rattles the straps, then flips the lid back. In the bag, pressed together and wrapped in thick leather, were carved stone disks.  
— Is petricite. It blocks magic. And I brought it for you, — He leans back, watching Jayce's reaction. He looks like he's got a trump card that will definitely silence Jayce.  
He was right.  
Jayce turns the discs in his hands. Ezreal had gone to Demacia for him because he remembered that midnight conversation about fear. He really tried to help, even though he seems completely selfish.

And Jayce wasn't right, and he _didn't have any arguments_.

— Thank you — He mumbles softly, so that it's almost inaudible, but judging by the pleased expression on his face, Ezreal heard.  
— I thought I was going to die there. Hunters and guards were everywhere, petricite pulled my magic… — Feeling that Jayce right now she will listen to what he has to say, he is once again ready to grovel indefinitely. I was in the trap for about an hour, before he could open it and release his leg and He stretches down, rolling his pant leg and showing fresh, deep scar, I thought I would lose my leg, but luckily I found mages.

He continues to talk, but Jayce listens to only half an ear, looking at the disks, then at the face of the researcher who is engrossed in the story.  
—… And I practically couldn't walk for three months, and then I spent another month trying to get the disks from the hunters, pretending to be Jarro!..

Jayce missed it like hell. He realizes this in the moments when he looks at Ezreal, who is actively waving his arms. He's so engrossed in the story that he doesn't notice Jayce sitting closer and the bed sagging, causing them to involuntarily snuggle together.  
— I had to spend the rest of the time trying to get out of Demacia, God, that was the worst part, because I couldn't go through Noxus, but I didn't have the proper equipment for a Freljord and…

Before he can finish, Jayce suddenly leans closer. It was an impulse Jayce could hardly explain to himself. He just missed me, stared… and he realized late that he did not know how to kiss. How could he have had a relationship before?

In other matters, Ezreal, as it turned out, also did not know-how. It was more of a clash of lips than a real kiss, but neither of them minded, especially Ezreal, who was clutching the collar of his sweater so tightly that it looked as if the fabric would break apart.

— Apology accepted, — Ezreal mutters, completely embarrassed, trying to smooth over the awkwardness. He smiles, tilting his face so that you can't see how red he really is. Not that Jayce is much different from him, looking away from the window.  
Ezreal returned the kiss, and after that, his mind went blank. Are they dating now? Ezreal said something about that Demacian woman and…

It's easier to just ask.

Turning around, Jayce collides with Ezreal. As red as he was.  
— We're now… — Jayce begins uncertainly, and Ezreal tilts his head in confusion, --… dating? — He forces himself to finish and looks away again, trying not to look at someone else's face. How embarrassing, damn it. Ezreal looks at him for a long moment, shrugging, then looks away, too, and buries a hand in the hair at the back of his head. Returning his gaze, he smiles awkwardly.  
— Well… yes?  
Jayce lets out a sigh of relief.  
This time, he reaches out for a hug first.

The blizzard outside the window had subsided, giving way to calm. The small room and the two people huddled together are lit only by a table lamp.

_The worries were gone, replaced by calm._


End file.
